Summer is almost over, today, I felt the first chill of an early autumn, the summer has almost past me by, wrapped up as I have been in the discovery that she has returned. At first, I saw her own in glimpses, out of the corner of my eye in mirrors, shop windows and once [ perhaps as a joke] she smiled at my from a strangers mirrored sunglasses.
April 30, 2012
But, as days went on, I saw her more & more frequently , my mirror self, but somehow more finished, more sharply defined than I have ever been. I found myself inviting her presence, loitering in shopping malls, walking slowly past window displays , looking intently into mirrors . I waited for her appearance, but like any distant love object, she was coy, perhaps even distant. I learnt to wait patiently, to expect little and then I would be rewarded, her face staring out at me, smiling, serene, so much more me than I could ever be.
I fantasised about finding an old fashioned hall of mirrors, where I could lose myself in her, where the division between self & not self would finally blur, where perhaps we could fall into each other. I wondered who would leave the attraction; would either of us get left behind?