beauty and the beast

so, watch this


now , read this


I used to be somebody round here, I was a face, no scrub that , I was THE face. The one all the chicks wanted, the one all the guys wanted to……………,  hey i’m broad-minded, but no way hose, this town just aint ready for metrosexuality, lets just leave at, the one the guys thought was really cool, but in a good manly way.

And suddenly, I’m  zero, less than zero and that’s harsh man, that hurts, that cuts me deep.

It’s all Bella and the Beast

Bella and her Prince

Bella and the magic rose

Bella, Bella, Bella


Hello, I mean Hellooooooooo

History 101 – The Beast, dudes, is a beast because of the old ugly witch chick, comprendez,

Now me, I like older chicks, MILFs, GILFs, I say share some of that good Gaston loving, but him he sends her away and she’s gagging for it, if you get my drift and that’s why he’s a beast, but they’ve  all forgotten that now.

Former Gaston mania has bitten the dust

Look at me, really , really look at me, what can you see?

Yeah, yeah,  killer cheekbones, perfect teeth, that little dimple in the middle of my chin – do you think that’s just luck, happy genes – I’ve had it all, Botox, lifts, fillers and every day I look in my mirror and I’m wondering whats going to go next and how I’m going to fund the next job, this hunting gig is so last year, but I’m out in all weathers, shooting, trapping, busting my ass to raise coin.

And this body, this is work man, hard work.

Diet, routine, exercise, control.

I’m in the bar at night, watching those hicks sucking down a cold brewski and no-one notices that I’m sipping on a protein shake and making it last.

They treat me like I’m public property, the looks, the body belong to the village not me. I’m here to make them feel better about this one horse town.

And no-one ever thought to ask my why……………why Bella?

Geek freak, Geek chic, mad inventor dad, sings to the horse, nose in a book Bella

Cos I could have had any of them, shit, I’ve had most of them, the lucky ones got a second taste of the love machine, but I wanted her, just her and I’m not stupid, I knew what she thought of me.

Sometimes late at night,  after my last set of chin ups and just before my skin care routine – like I said, do you think this face makes itself, I’d think about her.

This whole  Gaston thing, it’s getting harder, the work outs take longer, I feel the body sliding, I know its only a matter of time now before it all falls apart, before the cracks appear and I ‘m scared man, I’m scared.

But Bella, she’s funny and she’s smart and she’s good and maybe just maybe I could show her whats really inside me and she’d make me feel good and funny and smart.
I know we could be great together, better than great, totally fucking awesome.

And now she’s with him, but she’s forgotten that I’m a hunter and hunters are very patient, I’m like a totally ninja hunter, waiting and waiting.


She thinks she knows something about beasts, I tell you she aint seen nothing yet.

About cathi rae

50ish teacher & aspiring writer and parent of a stroppy teenager and carer for a confused bedlington terrier and a small selection of horses who fail to shar emy dressage ambitions. Interested in contemporary fiction but find myself returning to PG Wodehouse when the chips are down View all posts by cathi rae

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