Our regular guest contributor has yet again stepped into the breech whilst rubiesandduels is busy nursing an injured horse.
Thank you Stephen W for this take on personal identity.
“Nurse, I don’t seem to have the next patient’s notes.”
“Yes doctor I know, sorry I meant to tell you, there has been
some major mix-up in the records department, they say it’s a
computer glitch of some kind…”
“This is intolerable. We are a Gender Selection department, the
sensitive nature of our work means accurate records are
paramount. Sorry, I know it’s not your fault Nurse Simms – send
the next person in, if you would be so kind.”
Nurse Simm ushered in a nervous looking man.
“Good morning, I’m Doctor Hardy and you are errr…”
“Jonny, Jonny Breeze.”
“Well Mr Breeze, you don’t mind if I call you Mr. Breeze, only
some of our, err patients, sometimes prefer another name…”
“Like what, what’s wrong with my name.”
“Oh nothing, nothing at all. I take it you have thought long and
hard about the drugs you will take this afternoon and you are
sure in your own mind.”
“Yes, I’ve known since around the age of 4, that I was in the
wrong body. I was watching the Telly one day and I realized that’s
how I want to be and look.”
“That’s quite unusual Mr. Breeze. You were only four years of age,
when you decided you wanted the body of a woman and all that
“The body of a what?” Exclaimed Jonny. “No, no. Giraffe.”
“Giraffe. You want the body of a Giraffe.”
“Look don’t you start, I have enough of this at home, what with
“Neighbours?” queried Doctor Hardy.
“Next door reckons it’ll knock thousands off the value of his
property. We can do what we like with our own home. When he
saw we’d replaced our front door with brand new 18 ft double doors
in preparation like, for my err change, he did his nut. We’ve had all
the ceilings raised obviously…”
“Obviously,” echoed Doctor Hardy.
“Mum and Dad are OK with it now. Continued Jonny,” Mum
reckons she always new. Dad took it hard. He had my name down
for the darts team down at the Rat and Handbag…”
‘Rat and Handbag?” said the Doctor Hardy.
“Yes, it’s our local. I’ve nothing against darts, apart from the
hypodermic type of course, may have to get used to those.
“What about your local community, do you think you’ll fit in, in?
err. Where is it you live Mr. Breeze?”
“Ibstock” replied Jonny.
“How do you think they will take to a giraffe in Ibstock? And in
the work place?”
“Well obviously I’ll have to leave The Department of Work and
Pensions. I’m lining something up at a Garden Centre in Blaby.”
“And what about socially, what will you do for friends and
“Well there are clubs that cater for us, as I’m sure you are aware
Doctor. Likeminded persons gathering in convivial and genial
company. Attenborough’s is our favourite”
“What, there are others out there with similar aspirations?”
“Course, at Attenborough’s we have people who want to be
Wildebeest, zebras and a couple with their heart set on being
a mating pair of Thompson Gazelle’s.
“Was it the neck?” asked Doctor Hardy. You know that first
attracted you to the giraffe? Or is it its little tuffty horns and long
“No, none of them. It’s the eyes. Have you ever seen a pair of
giraffe eyes? Not just looked at, but seen. Black as night with lashes
to die for.”
“Well, yes I do know what you mean… where exactly is this