Hunger 10 – Postcards from Pro-Ana


It’s all about the figures, the figure
Heaviest weight, current weight, goal weight, ultimate goal weight, secret goal weight
BMI of 17, 15, 13, 11
Numbers going down and down and down

“I can fit my hands around the top of my thighs”
“Who wants to join me on a 7 day water fast?”
“Help me …I’m binging on brocoli”
“Where can I buy size 4 trousers in the UK?”

Pictures posted at lowest weights
“They hospitalised me just after this one, god I wish I was still this thin”
“You look so hot, I want to look just like you”

Girls so thin they look as if they could snap in two at any moment
Ribs
Collar bones
Elbows that seem bigger than the arms that they support
Hips don’t lie, but almost tear the skin with their new definition

Postcards from Ana
Postcards from another country
( because that fat wench is dead, a long, long time ago)
Postcards in another language

Restriction
Fasting
Purging
Binging
Safe foods
Triggers

UltiMATE ana

ANA WARRIOR

ANA GURU

UGW……always UGW

“Is it better to restrict and exercise or to fast and rest”
“How can I look fatter for my therapist appointment”
“help me to enjoy feeling empty”

And in the photgraphs, the girls
white skinned, bruises easily
smokey eyed, but not made up
hair thins and falls

( “I love when my hair starts to fall, it’s like I know I’m doing it properly then”)

bones break, crumble
and cold, always cold
bony wrists jutting from underneath 2 and 3 and 4 sweaters, even in summer.

New Thread ” Do you want to be seen as beautiful ?”

And the answers……..

“Dead
Dying
Diseased
Other wordly
Broken & fragile
Ethereal

I want to look so disgusting that people will never come near me, ever again”

And the diets, the constant diets
200 calories a day
Tasty meals of less than 50 calories
Rice cakes
Water

Help me – Im binging on raisins
Help me – all I can think of is food
Help me – my mom noticed i’m loosing weight

Help me stop eating.

Help me stop.

Help me

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About cathi rae

50ish teacher & aspiring writer and parent of a stroppy teenager and carer for a confused bedlington terrier and a small selection of horses who fail to shar emy dressage ambitions. Interested in contemporary fiction but find myself returning to PG Wodehouse when the chips are down View all posts by cathi rae

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