Untitled – work in progress

you wear your scars on your sleeve

i want to run my hands across your shoulders, down your arms, explore the webbed crevices between your fingers

but of course i don’t

i want to use my fingers to braille read these man made marks

to ask you to explain the pain

but of course i dont

i want to envelope you and hold you tight

keep you safe when monsters come at night

but of course i don’t

so instead i try a smile

wanting it to say – hey i hope you’re better now, found other ways of dealing with your day

but even that feels too much

so instead

i drop my head

start fiddling with my phone.

 

This is the house that Jack built

Coercive control is when a person with whom you are personally connected, repeatedly behaves in a way which makes you feel controlled, dependent, isolated … ( definition from Women’s Aid)

 

This is the house that Jack built

Listen

How quietly doors are closed

One finger on the catch for fear of slams

Nothing to disturb his well deserved down time.

After all as Jack says ” He needs a bit of peace”

This is the house that Jack built

Look

Lights on only in the rooms where he is sat or where you are engaged in tasks

After all as Jack says “Why would he want to sit alone when he has been at work all day missing you”.

This is the house that Jack built

Notice

How pristine clean

There is a schedule for you to follow

Daily, weekly, monthly chores

After all as Jack says ” What else would you do at home all day”.

This is the car that Jack built

Count

Just one now

A stay at home wife means sacrifice

After all as Jack says ” You never were a very good driver”.

This is the bank account that Jack built

Balance

Receipts required, statments checked, questions asked

After all as Jack says ” What could you need he doesn’t provide”

This is the phone that Jack built

Touch

Shiny latest model in a shell pink case

But all your photos, contacts lost in transfer

After all as Jack says ” Your life begins now, ground zero”

This is the gym that Jack built

Bend

Women only, lots of treadmills, no need to run outside

After all as Jack says ” You owe it to yourself ( and him) to lose that post baby fat.

This is the wardrobe that Jack built

Dress

Long sleeved tops and calf length skirts

After all as Jack says “You really don’t have the legs for jeans”

This is the family that Jack built

Mensturate

Planning for another child, pills spirited away

A tub of folic acid on the kitchen table

After all as Jack says ” You’re  not getting any younger”

This is world that Jack built

Walk

And this is the card you picked up in the library

Now hidden inside the lining of your purse

After all as Jack says ” What would you do without him?”